Super May Be the Wrong Word

There isn't anything wrong with the word super; I just don't think it fits. And, I do not mean it doesn't fit in the "5 down only has 4 letters" sense but more in the "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" sense. You see, I had a headache a few nights ago and I pulled out the Advil and tapped 2 tablets from the bottle....like I always do. I'm not suggesting that the ability to always extract the exact number of tablets needed, on the first try isn't a special power....because it is. I'm merely wondering if it qualifies as a "super" power. Good? Definitely. Super? Probably not. Fortunately I have other powers to fall back on because Good Heroes aren't nearly as impressive as Super Heroes, and you're right...I am that impressive.

I'm not sure when I stumbled on to my ability to forget almost any detail within seconds of receipt but I've spent the last 5 years perfecting the power. I am a juggernaut of forgetfulness. Things go in one ear and out the other, figuratively. Names, dates, prescriptions, milk, underwear, phone numbers...you name it and I'll forget it. I'm that good. Forgetfulness combined with my ability to write hieroglyphics and my inability to read hieroglyphics and it is miraculous that life even exists on the planet Jake (editor's note: Reverse that...."Life is miraculous on planet Jake"...I'll add that to the brochure). At first glimpse, forgetfulness does not seem like a super power but it is (how can you argue with that...it's rock-solid). I can watch movies over and over, my jokes never get old, "I don't remember" is always a valid response, and I'm never late because I have no idea what time we were supposed to meet. The advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. I have a hunch it will also come in handy if I ever get married....

My super power also comes in handy when I'm looking for stuff to do in Augusta because I....well...I don't remember why it is helpful but I assure you it is integral to the process.

Southern Fried Flicks: In the South, we like everything fried (I read about a guy who invented a method for frying Coca-Cola...not sure how it could get any better than that)...especially our film. I've never been much of a film festival guy because I like good movies but I'm inclined to offer my patronage to this festival. At $5 for 3 movies, it is hard to beat this offer. The festival runs through Sunday and concludes with a "The Best of the Fest" for $8.

Augusta Symphony Masterworks: I don't follow the cellist scene as closely as I once did so I know nothing of the hot new rookie Inbal Segev other than she is playing with the Augusta Symphony on Saturday at First Baptist Church. According to her biography, "Ms. Segev's cello was made by Gaetano Rossi in Milan in 1845" and that should be more than enough to convince you to check out the show. My job is done here. Show starts at 6:30pm, tickets start at $20.

Nature Photography Workshop: This may be the first and last time I include a "workshop" so take advantage of my lapse in judgment. Got a digital camera? Incapable of taking a picture worth keeping? Try taking one of me this workshop. Class starts at 9am on Saturday at Phinizy Swamp and it will cost you $8 to learn how to use your camera outdoors.

Friday Night Film Series: You are on your own for this one. I couldn't find any information other than what was available in the Spirit which must mean anything that happens in Columbia County is top secret. Maybe they are just trying to keep us filthy 3090x-ers on our end of Washington Rd. Maybe they don't know how to advertise. Regardless, they are showing The Lion King tonight at the Jabez-Hardin Performing Arts Center. Admission is free, donations accepted. Show starts at 7pm.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Community Celebration: On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll never make a difference yet I celebrate myself daily. Here's an opportunity to celebrate the life of someone who settled for no less than a 10; an opportunity to remember someone who did more for America than we may ever realize. It all takes place at the Georgia Golf Hall of Fame's Botanical Gardens from noon-4pm, Jan 15. Free to the public.

The name "Short Term Memory Loss Man" doesn't strike fear into the hearts of criminals as much as you'd imagine so, for the sake of humanity, I'm hanging up the crime fighting tights and sticking with my partying tights. If you see me downtown buy me a drink and introduce yourself...because I probably don't remember your name.

-Jake