Quantastic

We've been down this road before. I'd love to be more creative but there is something about my Quan class that sucks the life out of me. On a related note, I don't have the slightest clue what "Quan" stands for...I assume quantitative. For the Nancy Drew's in the crowd, the title of the class is Designing, Managing, & Improving Operations and it falls under the Management Science heading the the course catalog. Get back to me when you figure it out and I'll pretend to be interested; I'm getting a lot of practice...I'm taking Quan 6610.

What's quantastic about the class, you might ask. Nothing. I'm glad we were able to clear that up.

The course title is worth discussing. The first thing of note is the course prefix...Quan. I don't spend much time with other human beings so I have to base most of my life experiences on the life experiences of imaginary people....I watch a lot of movies. The first thing I thought of when I was told to sign up for Quan was Rod Tidwell saying "Jerry Maguire, my agent. You're my ambassador of kwan." "This class is going to be awesome. Dr. Grayson is going to be my ambassador of kwan" was my immediate next thought. That is how I think. In reality, Dr. Grayson is not my ambassador of kwan. He is, instead, the ambassador of my 8-11pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The second bit of information worth mentioning is the course number: 6610. Alone, it means very little, but when compared to the other Quan class (6600); you won't need the first four seasons of CSI (you Law & Order folks may need at least the first season) to find the pattern. I wish I had picked out this pattern 2 weeks ago. I also wish I had taken Quan I.

It is the Friday before Memorial Day weekend and you're looking for social ideas here? Sad. I'll see what I can do.

Mo Leverett Concert: How good can this be? I mean seriously, he's a white, Presbyterian preacher singing the blues. Sounds like a train wreck to me. "But," says you "Jake, your suggestions are always the cream of the crop." Ye of little faith. This one will be, too. Check out some music samples here and some life changing samples here. Lakemont Presbyterian at 7pm. Free concert but they will be collecting a "love offering" so bring some money or leave your conscience in the car.

Gospel Fest 2007: Yeah, I'm going to skip this one. Not because I'm not interested, because I'm not, but because I've got something else on my plate for Saturday. But you should totally check it out. You need to stop living your life by the things I do. If Gospel is your thing, the Jessye Norman Amphitheater is your place because they are going to have a whole fest of it on Saturday. Concert starts at 5pm. Free, as far as I can tell.

Memorial Day Concert: Love marching bands? Love Memorial Day? Love America? If you answered 'yes' or 'hell yes' to any of the previous questions then you should head down to the Jessye Norman Amphitheater on Monday evening. I can guarantee lots of flag waving, lots of marches and an awesome evening on the river. Concert is free.

Memorial Day: I'm not sure if you've heard, but it's Memorial Day. You shouldn't even be reading this. Go out. Go on vacation. Go somewhere.

Hope everyone has a safe fun (I'm not your mother) Memorial Day weekend.

-Jake

P.S. In a striking show of either irony or humor, someone decided to make Michelle Kwan an U.S. Ambassador. Ladies and Gentlemen, Ambassador Kwan.

Support Letter

Dear Friend,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits.

If the length of this letter and the included self-addressed stamped envelope did not give the game away; then I will end the mystery now: This is a support letter. More specifically, this is a letter to ask you to support me in an upcoming mission trip (June 9-17) to Nicaragua in which our ten-member team, led by WBC Singles Minister Sean Allen, will focus on meeting two distinct but important needs. First, we will be working with local missionaries to help meet the physical and nutritional needs of the orphan population in the cities of Leon and Matagalpa. Second, we will be aiding in the construction of a dormitory facility which will house full-time missionaries in the area.

I never fancied myself as being much of a missionary so I was very uneasy when the organizers asked me to join the team. Initially hesitant, I retracted and told myself “you aren’t holy enough for this kind of work. You don’t have a story to tell. You can’t make a difference.” Then I realized that I was right. I’m not holy enough for this kind of work…but God is. I don’t have a story to tell…but God does. I can’t make a difference…but God can. I realized that we are merely the medium God chooses to relay His message and His love to the world. God needed nothing more than my willingness to serve and He wanted me to leave all of my other concerns in His hands. I’m prayerfully working on that.

Now comes the hard part of the letter. The asking part is difficult because I have convinced myself that asking for support is, somehow, the same as admitting to a weakness or an internal flaw. I’m working on that, too. So, I need your help in two very important areas. First, I need prayer. I need you to pray for our team so that we will, in all circumstances, seek the guidance of God. Our trip will be a success if we can keep our eye on the prize and remember why we are doing this work. Beyond prayer, I need money. The total cost of the trip is $1350, all of which is due May 30th. If you choose to support me financially, please make your check payable to Warren Baptist Church. Also, please designate my name and the name of the mission trip (Jake London - Nicaragua) in the “Memo” field. Support is support, in my book, and I will cherish whichever method you choose, be it in prayer or financial support.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Sincerely seeking to Serve God,
Jake London

Support

Have you ever been on a mission trip (is there anything Wikipedia can't do)? Awkward opening? Ok, I'll try a different angle. Have you ever been on a mission trip? Tact is not a gift...well, it is a gift, just not my gift. All the same, I am going on a mission trip (they really will let anyone in, nowadays). Surprised? Yeah, me too. But Jake, you're not holy enough for that kind of stuff? Yeah, that's what I said. It turns out that doesn't really matter....you just have to be willing enough. Who knew?

All right kids, I'm sandbagging (UD is falling apart) my performance this week. Like I said (wrote?), I am going on a mission trip to Nicaragua and just finished typing my support letter. As a result, I'm fresh out of anything intelligible to say...you've got to assume I once had something intelligible to say and that I included those things in my support letter. A big assumption, no doubt but work with me people.

If you've ever written a support letter then you know what I've just gone through. It was a harrowing experience to say the least. I have difficulty asking someone for a dollar or to hold the elevator. Imagine the stones it takes to ask someone to pray for you. Exactly...I had to borrow a pair.

Consider this your official notice, Summer is back, again. I know this because I am an internet toasting superstar and I have access to that kind of information. I get the memos. You lay people have to rely on less obvious things like noticing the sudden increase in temperature, humidity, and outdoor activities available this weekend.

Augusta Canal Tours: I wouldn't recommend floating in the Augusta Canal but I fully endorse floating on the Augusta Canal. Small difference, maybe but your physician will thank you. I've been on one of the twilight canal tours and it was fantastic. Twenty bucks is a steal so bring a date or me, you sly fox.

Candlelight Jazz: The folks over at Garden City Jazz are kind enough to entertain any and all comers every Sunday night from May to August. The concert is outdoors at the 8th street bulkhead on the Riverwalk. Bring a picnic basket and your dancing shoes. Guys, seriously you have to trust me on the dancing thing. She knows you can't dance she just wants you to try. Shows are $6 and start at 8pm.

Appleby Garden Series: I don't really know how to sell something like this so I'm going to try a little free word association. Free, Outdoor Concert, Free, Summer, Free, Evenings, Free, Eclectic, Free, Southern, Free, Library, Free, Garden Party, Free, Tuesday, Free. Marketing is not my strong suit. I'm much better at Jenga! Shows start at 8pm every Tuesday in May and June. The show is free but donations, which benefit the library, are accepted.

Nicaragua Mission Team: While not exactly something to do, this trip certainly deserves mention. Also, you might have noticed that this is my toaster and I'll do what I want. I've included this item because the whole team needs your support. Prayer, Money, you name it; we need it. We are leaving June 9th and returning June 17th. The focus of our trip is working with orphans and building housing for other missionaries in the area. Team Members: Anna, Anne, Cassie, Charlie, Clint, Jake, Kristin, Pete, Trent, Sean for those of you who like to pray for people by name.

The weather is wonderful this time of year, so get out there and enjoy every second of it.

-Jake

Dude (looks like a lady)

Any Aerosmith fans in the crowd? Boy, I hope so. If you're here for the title and you're not an Aerosmith fan then I hope you're a fan of disappointment. You see, the title is a reference to a classic song from 1987 by one of the greatest hair bands of all time. It is not a reference to any personal experiences....well, not yet.

That's a sentence I don't ever want to write again.

I suppose I have some explaining to do. Despite what it looks like, this is not a blog. It's a toaster. It is also not a confessional. I'm not prepping you for The Crying Game 2: Something is Missing and I am certainly not trying to get out of something. Honestly, I'm just trying to raise a little cash (I don't think I mean what you think I mean...at least I hope I don't) because the doctors tell me that there could be a cure and their hands are tied unless they get more money.

I'm talking about cancer (what did you think I was talking about....). They are talking about a cure. We are all doing our part. What does that have to do with cross dressing? I'm glad you asked. As the junior member of our team, the lowest earner, and the proprietor of the sexiest legs, I've been nominated to represent our team in the Miss Relay Pageant (OMG). Shocked? You ain't seen nothin' yet, sister.

Now for the obvious segue into all the out and about stuff in Augusta. Boy, that was awkward.

Relay For Life: Obvious first choice or shameless plug. Both, probably. If you've never been to Relay, you are not only missing a great time but you are also missing an opportunity to support an organization who's mission is a cure for cancer; a disease that has, in one way, touched all of our lives. Oh yeah, and I'll be dressed as a stone cold fox. 7p Friday - 7a Saturday. FYI, our team leader is #2 on the solo fund raiser list so drop a little extra support her way if you're so inclined.

La Boheme: If you want an honest opinion on this one you should probably talk to someone who likes opera or speaks Italian or values honesty. Because I don't, I don't and...well, it's a trend....not long division. Timing aside (far too much going on this weekend), I think it is great that Augusta can attract these types of performances and I encourage you; if it's your bag, baby, to check it out Friday or Saturday at the Imperial Theatre. Tickets start at $15.

Blind Willie McTell: As a friend once said, who would think that you would have to go to a cow pasture in the middle of Thomson, GA to hear some of the best blues in the south? Not me, my friend...not me. If you've never been then $25, a map, and a tank of gas will fix that. The festival is "Rain or Shine" (it's in quotes on their web page so it's in quotes in my toaster) and it starts at 11 on Saturday and ends around dark/dark:30.

Aiken Bluegrass Festival: If you like your music in a shade of blue and 30 miles from Augusta, this is your weekend. No one does obscure music festivals better than Aiken so you are in for a treat if you decide to go. Make sure you stay to the end because the headliner, Sam Bush, is fantastic. If you don't want to like Bluegrass music, you should stay home....seriously. The festival starts at noon on Saturday and ends somewhere near midnight.. $15 at the gate.

Mother's Day: If you can't get home to see your mother on Sunday, then swing by and say hey to my mom. Maybe, if enough people come by, she'll forget that I didn't get her anything.

Augusta has a lot going on this weekend....do you? I hope so.

-Jake