On the floor and I'm dancing like I've never danced before. That is a pop-culture reference so here are the obligatory lyrics, video and YTMND links. Wait...YTMND!? Great googley moogley, this toaster is really starting to fall apart. Remember this date (3/30/07) because it marks the first and hopefully last time that I ever link to YTMND. As you can see, it was worth it. Tense errors aside, the title sums up last Saturday night pretty well. You see, I was in a wedding and I've never met a dance floor at a wedding I didn't like.
I said "never" and I'm afraid I'm building this relationship on a foundation of lies. I haven't always been the wedding addict that I am today. Right around the time I was getting out of college and all of my friends were taking the logical (what?) next step of marriage; I hated weddings. I hated buying gifts, getting dressed up, sitting through the ceremony, receptions, "and guests" and RSVP x 1's....all of it. Who knows why I despised them so much...I'm sure we'll couch that question one day and get to the bottom of it...But, like all lulls, the important question isn't "why the lull." The important question is whether or not I'm still in the valley of despair and the answer to that question is a footloose and fancy free NO. (Spoiler Alert: Yucky love stuff ahead) A more talented writer than myself would insert a poignant metaphor. I'll attempt nothing of the sort. Let's just say that I realized that, if I ever plan on finding love, I should probably start paying attention to what it actually looks like. Honestly, other than the events of last night (a story that is not mine to tell), there is hardly a better place to locate love (free food, free alcohol, dancing or single women) than a wedding. You can quote me on that.
It's spring and, while I'm falling in love with my allergy medicine, everyone else is falling in love with someone. So, you probably don't need to read any further. IF you are reading further and you have an abnormally small number (< 1)Y chromosomes, I have got an offer for YOU.
Mayor's Masters Receptions: I can already see that this is going to be the Masters Edition of my to-do list. It's hardly avoidable. If you are in town, you should totally check this out. Free food and drink down at the soon-to-be defunct Golf Hall of Fame. The weather is the only thing that could bogey this event (that was a really bad golf reference...you're welcome). Monday, 5pm-dark
Drive for Show. Rock fore Dough: No mulligans on this one. A concert like this, literally, only comes to Augusta once a year so you better take advantage of it while it's here. Dashboard Confessional, Cheap Trick, and Corey Smith for $25, part of which goes to the First Tee. Sounds like a good time and a clear conscience to me. Next Tuesday. Show starts at 5:30pm.
Last Call: I have a really hard time telling anyone they should go to Last Call so you can assume this will be worth it. They have 3; count 'em, three concerts next week that demand your attention. It's a hole-in-one, really. The annual Par 3 after party is featuring the Swingin' Medallions. Thursday night Drivin' and Cryin' will perform. Finally, Friday night will again feature the Swingin' Medallions. Also, All concerts are in the parking lot outside of Last Call and that's a good thing. Concerts start...that's about all the info I could find. Best guess is 7pm. Tix are $11-$16.
The Masters: By typing their name over there, I'm risking being sued so if you go, don't tell them I sent you. The tournament has become the tournament to attend lately. I think Martha Burke actually hurt her cause with her crusade because Masters Badges are becoming the hardest ticket to get in all of sports. Years ago I would have told you to hang out outside of the main gate and just ask someone for a ticket but that method is now defunct. Expect to really pay if you don't already have tickets.
Hope everyone has a great weekend and even better Masters Week. Also, keep an eye out for visual evidence of my wedding escapades. I'm hoping to track down some pictures for all you ladies out there.
-Jake
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
LOL? Really, LOL?
I'm old so you'll have to forgive my out-of-touch-ed-ness but I just can't figure out this whole internet slang thing. Feeling misled? Right now you are probably thinking "I've really got to use the bathroom...I don't have time to read this whole blog." It's ok. I'll wait. Feel better? Now you're thinking "But Jake, you play World of Warcraft, you write blogs, you are on MySpace, you have a Computer Science degree, you plant trees. You have your finger on the pulse of the internet." These things are all true (you forgot I'm a 7.0 on HotorNot.com...forgiven) but the lingo crept up without my oversight or approval. This isn't really a major concern. I mean, I can still communicate with my Swedish swim wear model, internet girlfriend (sorry ladies, I'm taken) but I feel like I need a babelfish filter on my intstant messenger everytime I talk to her.
Perhaps more aggravating than the language is the proper use of the language...the crammer of the internet, if you will. I mean, I've had more than a few (7 to be exact) face-to-face conversations with real people it is a lot harder to get a sincere laugh out loud out of someone than it is on the internet; I've never actually seen anyone roll on the floor laughing; and while I have no idea how a roflcopter would manifest itself in nature, I'm pretty sure I've never seen one. But one trip through the comments section on YouTube will tell you that some really lame stuff will evoke some really serious guffaws. I saw one comment where a guy littered his sentence (I use "sentence" in the loosest sense of the word....combination of misspelled verbs and nouns is more accurate) with "LOL" as if it could take the place of a comma. I guess he was laughing while typing and he wanted us to know. Thanks. Is the internet an inherently funnier place? Maybe humor is on a grading scale like in gymnastics where you get some points just for attempting a difficult maneuver. Typing a particularly long joke will earn you at least a lowercase lol and the slightest bit of humor will warrant any varied combination of capitalization.
I'm an elitist so I only type "lol" when I'm really sitting alone in front of my keyboard laughing at something I see. The degree to which I'm laughing
will vary in the standard manner. Caps means I'm laughing moderately hard while "rofflemayo" means I'm probably at work and the combination of the humor and the fact that I can't really laugh out loud is making the situation that much more amusing. Honesty is the best policy...not the funniest.
Like a fly in your chardonnay, I find it ironic that I would write about social behaviors on the internet in a toaster who's main purpose is to provide social outlets in the real world. On second thought, I probably don't know the meaning of the word "Ironic."
A Day of Art Festival: Granted, it's an art festival but something the name fails to communicate is that it is a free art festival so the return on investment will be significant. You can check out local artists pretty much all day Friday and Saturday down that the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. The number of laughs to be had will be directly proportional to the number of paintings done by the guy that painted all the stuff hanging on the walls in Nacho Mamas.
Dido and Aeneas: It's an opera. That's pretty much it. I don't think you realize how difficult it is to write something about opera. It's in English. I'm spent. The ASU Music Dept is running the show and tickets are $10 and performances are Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the Maxwell Theater. Patricia Myers says it is a "wonderful example of a small-scale baroque opera and 17th century masque entertainment" so it should be....hilarious.
Houghton Hussle: I love the names they come up with for these street races and I love the cause behind this particular race. The proceeds of this race go to help support Heritage Academy and that seems like a good thing to me. Regristration starts at the God-awful hour of 7am on Saturday. Don't expect to see me down there but not because it's early but because my heart is 2 sizes too small and I have ice water coursing through my veins. If you have a heart, it will cost you $22 to prove it....so go prove it.
Drive For Show! Rock Fore Dough: Nothing gets people in the giving mood like a little self-loathing music. Hmm...let me rephrase that. Nothing convinces overly dramatic teenagers to part with their money like a fine mix of pop-culture and self-loathing. Better. Dashboard Confessional is the headliner at the 3rd Annual concert to raise money for First Tee and you can help by dropping $25 in advance for tickets. The show is April 3rd at First Tee.
So....LOL? lol? col? (chuckle out loud). No? I must be doing something wrong. I guess I should be happy that there are no acronyms for boisterous negative reactions. ROFMTLRT (rolling on the floor mourning the time I lost reading this) maybe?
-Jake
Perhaps more aggravating than the language is the proper use of the language...the crammer of the internet, if you will. I mean, I've had more than a few (7 to be exact) face-to-face conversations with real people it is a lot harder to get a sincere laugh out loud out of someone than it is on the internet; I've never actually seen anyone roll on the floor laughing; and while I have no idea how a roflcopter would manifest itself in nature, I'm pretty sure I've never seen one. But one trip through the comments section on YouTube will tell you that some really lame stuff will evoke some really serious guffaws. I saw one comment where a guy littered his sentence (I use "sentence" in the loosest sense of the word....combination of misspelled verbs and nouns is more accurate) with "LOL" as if it could take the place of a comma. I guess he was laughing while typing and he wanted us to know. Thanks. Is the internet an inherently funnier place? Maybe humor is on a grading scale like in gymnastics where you get some points just for attempting a difficult maneuver. Typing a particularly long joke will earn you at least a lowercase lol and the slightest bit of humor will warrant any varied combination of capitalization.
I'm an elitist so I only type "lol" when I'm really sitting alone in front of my keyboard laughing at something I see. The degree to which I'm laughing
will vary in the standard manner. Caps means I'm laughing moderately hard while "rofflemayo" means I'm probably at work and the combination of the humor and the fact that I can't really laugh out loud is making the situation that much more amusing. Honesty is the best policy...not the funniest.
Like a fly in your chardonnay, I find it ironic that I would write about social behaviors on the internet in a toaster who's main purpose is to provide social outlets in the real world. On second thought, I probably don't know the meaning of the word "Ironic."
A Day of Art Festival: Granted, it's an art festival but something the name fails to communicate is that it is a free art festival so the return on investment will be significant. You can check out local artists pretty much all day Friday and Saturday down that the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. The number of laughs to be had will be directly proportional to the number of paintings done by the guy that painted all the stuff hanging on the walls in Nacho Mamas.
Dido and Aeneas: It's an opera. That's pretty much it. I don't think you realize how difficult it is to write something about opera. It's in English. I'm spent. The ASU Music Dept is running the show and tickets are $10 and performances are Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the Maxwell Theater. Patricia Myers says it is a "wonderful example of a small-scale baroque opera and 17th century masque entertainment" so it should be....hilarious.
Houghton Hussle: I love the names they come up with for these street races and I love the cause behind this particular race. The proceeds of this race go to help support Heritage Academy and that seems like a good thing to me. Regristration starts at the God-awful hour of 7am on Saturday. Don't expect to see me down there but not because it's early but because my heart is 2 sizes too small and I have ice water coursing through my veins. If you have a heart, it will cost you $22 to prove it....so go prove it.
Drive For Show! Rock Fore Dough: Nothing gets people in the giving mood like a little self-loathing music. Hmm...let me rephrase that. Nothing convinces overly dramatic teenagers to part with their money like a fine mix of pop-culture and self-loathing. Better. Dashboard Confessional is the headliner at the 3rd Annual concert to raise money for First Tee and you can help by dropping $25 in advance for tickets. The show is April 3rd at First Tee.
So....LOL? lol? col? (chuckle out loud). No? I must be doing something wrong. I guess I should be happy that there are no acronyms for boisterous negative reactions. ROFMTLRT (rolling on the floor mourning the time I lost reading this) maybe?
-Jake
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Life as a Blog
I haven't written one of these in a long time so I'm hoping the bicycle theory applies to whatever it is that I do here. My gut tells me this won't be the case and that I shouldn't have had that second slice of pizza (FYI: Pizza Joint pizza is big). Either way, we're in for a bumpy ride.
We're (the royal We're...me, myself, and I) approaching my 1 year anniversary on MySpace which means we are also approaching my one year anniversary of writing these blogs (they didn't become toasters 'til the Summer). Looking back, it is quite obvious that my little weekly tradition has changed, for better or worse, the way I view the world.
I've always been a bit of an entertainer. Not so much in the macro sense that I long for the spotlight rather more toward the micro, individual level. I like telling stories and love making people laugh...one day I'll be good at either...so I've always been influenced by the things in my life that other people seem to enjoy. For a long time, it was Bill Cosby and Jerry Seinfield. So most of my stories started with "what's the deal with" (my favorite ending to that is "chicken McNuggets...if it's McMade of what I McThink it is, I'm not McEating it") and I would do my best to frame the events of my life in the boundary of this setup. I got pretty good, too. So good in fact that I looked into getting my own studio audience (I had to give up on that dream...with 1/3rd of the team living out of state and the other 1/3rd living in Grovetown...it just didn't seem feasible any longer).
Enter MySpace stage right. A brief history of time....I like going out and don't like doing so alone so I sent out emails trying to goad my friends to do this or that...I start posting the emails as a blog on MySpace...Someone comments that the blogs are, unlike a mac, entertaining and informative...the comment goes straight to my head. Now, everything I do is analysed (this blog was not brought to you by the letter 'Z') for blog potential. I'll think things like "I really like Craisins, I should write about that...that would kill. Craisins are hilarious. Maybe there's a Craisin festival in Aiken this weekend...that would be perfect." This is less of a blog and more of a cry for help, really.
Thankfully (wait....thankfully!?), there is no Craisin Festival in Aiken this weekend but there is a lot of other stuff going on that may or may not satisfy your daily recommended intake of fruit.
A Salute to our Soldiers: I first read about this on the Augusta Chronicle's website and the comments following the article were heated. So, I'm going to avoid in political slant on this event because, as Jon Stewart points out nightly, the only things funny in politics are the people. Here's my political statement...it cost $5 at the door of the Imperial Theater. Hors d'oeuvres and desserts provided. The festivities start at 6pm. All proceeds go toward families of deployed soldiers.
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: A stage performance of C.S. Lewis' classic, this play is running March 15-17 at the Circle Theater in Barnwell, SC....wait....Barnwell? Yikes. If you decide to go, you'll need a compass, a flashlight, some rope, and this....oh, and $9. Seriously, take some breadcrumbs or a cell phone...I knew a guy that went to Barnwell and he was never heard from again. True story.
Triple Crown Street Fair: Looks like you gotta head out of town if you want to have a good time this weekend. Aiken's annual street fair marks the beginning of Triple Crown series with the steeplechase the following week. The street fair has become quite the to-do and they've got a national star in Danielle Peck this year who, according to the flyer, is stunningly attractive. I think she sings, too. They've roped off Newberry St. for the fair which starts at 6pm. $5 at the door.
Anything Goes: We're a week early on this one but my current writing schedule is sporadic at best so I wanted to get this one on your agenda incase I befall a great tragedy before next Thursday. I know nothing of the play but I do know the director and choreographer so forgive me while I peddle their wares. $10 at the door, curtain at 7:30 next Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
Viva Italia!: It's St. Patrick's Day and everyone is Irish...unless you're Italian, apparently. The Augusta Symphony is hosting a Masterworks performance of classical Italian music on St. Patty's day...of course. I mean it makes perfect sense to me and, if it makes perfect sense to you, they show starts at 7:30pm in First Baptist Church. $20 for a literally cross-cultural experience.
St. Patrick's Day: You really shouldn't have any trouble finding something to do on Saturday because everywhere is having some kind of Irish themed party. If you actually are Irish, live it up because everyone wants to be you. For the rest of you lads and lasses, put on some green, pick a shamrock and follow the rainbow downtown to have a green beer with me.
Words, words and more words. It looks like the hiatus has left me longer winded. Hope everyone has a great weekend and be warned that hanging out with me this weekend is officially "on the record." Mora na maidine dhuit.
-Jake
We're (the royal We're...me, myself, and I) approaching my 1 year anniversary on MySpace which means we are also approaching my one year anniversary of writing these blogs (they didn't become toasters 'til the Summer). Looking back, it is quite obvious that my little weekly tradition has changed, for better or worse, the way I view the world.
I've always been a bit of an entertainer. Not so much in the macro sense that I long for the spotlight rather more toward the micro, individual level. I like telling stories and love making people laugh...one day I'll be good at either...so I've always been influenced by the things in my life that other people seem to enjoy. For a long time, it was Bill Cosby and Jerry Seinfield. So most of my stories started with "what's the deal with" (my favorite ending to that is "chicken McNuggets...if it's McMade of what I McThink it is, I'm not McEating it") and I would do my best to frame the events of my life in the boundary of this setup. I got pretty good, too. So good in fact that I looked into getting my own studio audience (I had to give up on that dream...with 1/3rd of the team living out of state and the other 1/3rd living in Grovetown...it just didn't seem feasible any longer).
Enter MySpace stage right. A brief history of time....I like going out and don't like doing so alone so I sent out emails trying to goad my friends to do this or that...I start posting the emails as a blog on MySpace...Someone comments that the blogs are, unlike a mac, entertaining and informative...the comment goes straight to my head. Now, everything I do is analysed (this blog was not brought to you by the letter 'Z') for blog potential. I'll think things like "I really like Craisins, I should write about that...that would kill. Craisins are hilarious. Maybe there's a Craisin festival in Aiken this weekend...that would be perfect." This is less of a blog and more of a cry for help, really.
Thankfully (wait....thankfully!?), there is no Craisin Festival in Aiken this weekend but there is a lot of other stuff going on that may or may not satisfy your daily recommended intake of fruit.
A Salute to our Soldiers: I first read about this on the Augusta Chronicle's website and the comments following the article were heated. So, I'm going to avoid in political slant on this event because, as Jon Stewart points out nightly, the only things funny in politics are the people. Here's my political statement...it cost $5 at the door of the Imperial Theater. Hors d'oeuvres and desserts provided. The festivities start at 6pm. All proceeds go toward families of deployed soldiers.
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: A stage performance of C.S. Lewis' classic, this play is running March 15-17 at the Circle Theater in Barnwell, SC....wait....Barnwell? Yikes. If you decide to go, you'll need a compass, a flashlight, some rope, and this....oh, and $9. Seriously, take some breadcrumbs or a cell phone...I knew a guy that went to Barnwell and he was never heard from again. True story.
Triple Crown Street Fair: Looks like you gotta head out of town if you want to have a good time this weekend. Aiken's annual street fair marks the beginning of Triple Crown series with the steeplechase the following week. The street fair has become quite the to-do and they've got a national star in Danielle Peck this year who, according to the flyer, is stunningly attractive. I think she sings, too. They've roped off Newberry St. for the fair which starts at 6pm. $5 at the door.
Anything Goes: We're a week early on this one but my current writing schedule is sporadic at best so I wanted to get this one on your agenda incase I befall a great tragedy before next Thursday. I know nothing of the play but I do know the director and choreographer so forgive me while I peddle their wares. $10 at the door, curtain at 7:30 next Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
Viva Italia!: It's St. Patrick's Day and everyone is Irish...unless you're Italian, apparently. The Augusta Symphony is hosting a Masterworks performance of classical Italian music on St. Patty's day...of course. I mean it makes perfect sense to me and, if it makes perfect sense to you, they show starts at 7:30pm in First Baptist Church. $20 for a literally cross-cultural experience.
St. Patrick's Day: You really shouldn't have any trouble finding something to do on Saturday because everywhere is having some kind of Irish themed party. If you actually are Irish, live it up because everyone wants to be you. For the rest of you lads and lasses, put on some green, pick a shamrock and follow the rainbow downtown to have a green beer with me.
Words, words and more words. It looks like the hiatus has left me longer winded. Hope everyone has a great weekend and be warned that hanging out with me this weekend is officially "on the record." Mora na maidine dhuit.
-Jake
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