In Vino Veritas

In wine, Truth.  Latin.  Dead language.  That concludes your lesson for today.  Please make checks payable to "Cash."

Sure, the saying maybe quite old, it may have been applied in interesting ways, and it may have been quoted in the greatest movie ever made (minus the horse scene), but do any of these things speak to the voracity of the claim?  Anecdotal evidence suggests that the saying should be In vino, drunk dial or in vino, indiscriminate (or maybe I just need to pay more attention to the third pillar of the Arch). So, I put it to you....is there truth in wine.  Are we nearer reality when the spirits lift us up and lower our guards?  No, probably not.  It is a saying, perhaps, for a man with a habit to justify (I'll have another...in vino veritas), a product to sell (have another...in vino veritas), or in need of a scapegoat (I told all because I had too many...in vino veritas), but not a lamp unto my feet.  No, I don't like "In vino veritas" much at all....but On vino veritas, now that my have legs.

Have you read the back of a bottle of wine lately?  I need to hire that guy to spruce up my match.com profile.  Mystical vineyards, a supernatural process of purification and redemption, bliss.  An experience that requires no less than seven adjectives to describe and it's all right there on the back of the bottle....a $9 bottle.  Swill merchants, right?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I understand your skepticism.  We've all been burned by silver-tongued salesmen, but what if the scenery really is sublime, the process mind-boggling, and the taste delightful?  What if the marketer is merely a mouthpiece  whose verbiage the vintner vindicates?  What if...

In the end, none of it matters to the wine.  It is what it is and a person's willingness to try this wine or that will ebb and flow with what that person believes about the winemaker, the marketer and, let's be honest, the aesthetic value of the bottle...is there a larger metaphor here?  I don't know that but I do know that where you've been and what you do along the way will change the way people tell your story...so join me.

1810 Country Inn and Winery - Too obvious.  I normally list to-dos that are pending but this one really fit the theme.  Also, how many of you even knew Thomson had a winery?  See there...you're welcome.  Bed and breakfast, guided tours, fancy dinners...this has your name (and hers) written all over it.  Maybe not this weekend but it belongs on your short list.

Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus - You know, I've never been to the circus... I don't think.  If I have, then that's hardly the positive review they're expecting.  Fortunately, I have a pretty small readership (hi, mom).  All you really need to know is that it's the greatest show on earth and it's at the James Brown Arena this weekend.  Tickets start at 11.

Artist's Market - I dropped the ball last weekend, I'm sorry.  This Festival actually began last weekend with an artist's reception and the market will run through tomorrow.  If local art is your thing then this is probably your best opportunity to see what kind of talent we are hiding here in the CSRA.  Market is open to the public 8a-5p tomorrow at Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art.

Yellow Jessamine Festival - The yellow jessamine (or jasmine) is native to the south and is typically in bloom during the first four months of the year.  If you want to know more you'll have to ask google as my thumb is anything but green (I killed a cactus).  If you don't care about flowers and you just want to have a good time, you're still in the right place.  Art festival, kid's crafts and a food court (is that really a selling point?) are waiting to entertain you this weekend at Boeckh Park in North Augusta.  The Swinging Medallions round out what should be an excellent Saturday.

I know nothing of wine (which is why I was in the $9 section reading bottles) but I know a thing or two about telling a good story.  All good stories, like wine, begin quite unlike they end and somewhere after the beginning and before the end, all the really interesting stuff happens that makes the end so sweet.

-Jake

Wanna Get Naked?

I don't mean that in the immediate sense (i.e. do you want to get naked right now) and I don't mean it in a figurative sense (i.e. do you want to bare your soul) and I don't think she did either.  Honestly, I don't know exactly what she meant (though I can imagine) because, whatever answer she was looking for, she departed before I could complete my well-thought quip: "Like, right now? Here?  Wait, what?"  I can only assume the expected payout on the southern-dopey-white-guy slot machine was not, that night, high enough to warrant another spin.  

Las Vegas is a strange town.

If you've never been to Vegas, I highly recommend you grab a few friends and head out west....it's like Disney World--complete with rides, games, shows, lots of walking and long lines--for adults.  The similarities don't end there.  Like Disney World, Las Vegas is also a fantasy world, largely imaginary, and an exercise in suspending reality.

One of the things about Vegas that really caught me off-guard was how beautiful everything--everything--was.  Physical beauty and sophistication ooze from all of the people, places and things that are Vegas, baby.  Average--average looks, average income, average experience--is a term that is so far to the right of the standard deviation of the rest of the country that the word has lost its meaning.  Vegas creates a world so fantastic that the useful and necessary resources in Vegas have almost no value in the real world...and I ate it up.  Within hours of setting foot on the strip I was immersed, indoctrinated, intoxicated.  I judged every book by its cover and valued every option by its potential to satisfy me....I was back in middle school and acutely aware of my own short-comings.

Fortunately, I'm back.  Back where I am again the coolest, prettiest person I know.  I'm glad to be back (I had begun to miss my mirror) but I do miss all the options.  On the strip your senses are assaulted every six feet, figuratively, by this show or that club.  We don't have that problem in Augusta...normally.

Ed Turner & Number 9 - Deja Vu is both a club in Vegas and what you might be experiencing.  I mentioned this little opportunity last week and it's such a winner that it gets another hat tip this week.  I couldn't name 2 Beatles songs if I had to but I know a good time when I see it.  I've seen these guys once before and I'll be seeing them again tomorrow night.  Join me at Fort Discovery at 7pm.

The Beauty Queen of Leename - I'd be lying if I told you I've seen this show.  I've seen this show, it's amazing (I've always had problems building trust) and you'll love it.  It's about something that happened to this person, sometime ago.  Le Chat Noir is hosting performances this weekend, next and the following.  Say what you will of my review, but believe me that Le Chat Noir never disappoints.  Intimate off-Broadway style theater--$25 and worth it.

80's Night - As iconic and disastrous as the 80's were, I'm surprised Vegas has not created an 80's themed casino.  My guess is that it's coming (if the city doesn't go bankrupt first) but until then, Soul Bar is the one-stop venue for all your 80's party needs.  They usually have a cover charge and the party won't get rockin' until 11.  Take your dancing shoes and a shower before bed.

The Aiken Trials - It's horse racing season in Aiken and you know what that means...it's horse betting/mint julep season in Aiken.  The Aiken Trials is the first event of Aiken's Triple Crown and the festivities start this weekend at 10am.  The weather doesn't look like it's going to cooperate so you ladies may want to make sure your hat is weatherproof and big.  Fellas, keep drinking and you'll forget all about the rain and the money you owe the book.  General Admission tickets are $10.

I hope I haven't turned you off to Las Vegas.  There really is no other place like it and everyone should see it light up the desert at least once, but spending time there really makes you long for relationships that are reciprocal and unconditional.  If you've got that, you've got reason enough to party.  See you out.

-Jake

I Like Books

What a ridiculous title.  Of course, I like books--who doesn't like books?  Or, who would admit to not liking books, even if it were true? Just for the record…I also like food, smiling (it’s my favorite), oxygen, happiness and my reflection…but who doesn’t?

As Brian Regan appropriately points out, there isn’t much debate amongst the intelligentsia over the merits of reading, and, as a vehicle for the desired outcome, books are quite efficacious.  So, why am I bothering to tell you how much I like something that I not only should like but is also good for me?  Am I that inconsiderate of your time, that pretentious?  Well, yes and probably.

Sure, I like books for all the normal reasons:  They can keep you warm.  They make you taller...when stood upon rightly (when stood upon wrongly, they can make you a bigot).  They obey the laws of gravity and they encourage then things below them to do the same.  They lend credence to any argument ("I disagree.  You see, I was re-reading The Brothers Karamazov recently and I just don't see how you can believe that shirt goes with those pants.").  They float.  Yes, yes, all good reasons but I like them for the small victories they provide.

Of all the forms of media, books are the only ones that really let you mark your progress.  You see, I'm an underlining reader so I always use a pen as my place holder (bad for the spine, maybe but great for the soul) which ensures an underlining tool is nearby and also helps to overemphasize my progress...and nothing could be more satisfying (nothing?  really?).  Honestly, I could grab any book in my house (except my diary because it has those really thin, gold trimmed pages in a leather-bound case with a unicorn on the front cover...umm), put a pen somewhere near the middle, place the book in a prominent position and instantly feel better about myself.  If I were really bored, I could read twenty or so pages, replace the pen and actually see my progress.  For best results, own hardback books.

Clearly, I like books for all the right reason(s) but the weekend is nigh so I've got to lean on the wisdom of Beavis and Butthead at this point: "If I wanted to read, I'd go to school."  Put down the book, brainiac and get out there and have a great time.

Oklahoma! – Like a black fly in your chardonnay, this first event actually offers you an opportunity to go to school.  The ASU Drama Department is performing Rodgers and Hammerstein’s beloved O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A….Oklahoma! this weekend.  Fellas, bring an extra $15 for your date’s ticket…picking her up in a surrey with the fringe on top is optional but encouraged.

Attic Sale and Preview Party – Every year the Junior League of Augusta punishes its members by forcing them to rummage through their attics, basements and garages to produce hundreds of dollars worth of….well, stuff they no longer (perhaps never) want.  Dozens of women work tirelessly all week to produce Augusta’s largest annual yard sale…but before they sale comes the party.  Preview party is tonight at the fairground and it’ll cost you $25 to eat bar-b-que, listen to live music, bid at a silent auction and pay double.  Attic sale starts tomorrow at 7am.  Prices drop to half on Sunday.  All proceeds benefit Augusta by way of Junior League initiatives.

First Friday – It’s a new month which means another First Friday is here.  This is Augusta’s monthly downtown street party complete with fire eaters, street vendors, and classic cars.  If you end up downtown tonight, be sure to check out the Grand Opening of Shoppe 31:30 at 1126 Broad St.  Free...my favorite price.

Four Nights in Nine – I don’t really know how to sell this one.  If you’re not interested in a group of Augusta’s finest musicians performing some of the Beatles’ greatest hits for charity then there’s not much I can say to bring you back to life.  I’m a blogger, not a witch doctor.  Seriously, go to this concert.  Fort Discovery tonight and tomorrow, 7pm – until, $25

Right, so the weekend is here and it’s time to mark your page and leave the book on the coffee table (just in case you have company).  Hopefully you’ll be able to use some of the suggestions above to punctuate your progress through the weekend.  Have fun!

-Jake